No Resolutions

I'm boycotting New Year's Resolutions this year.

Thank You

I'm grateful for people that have welcomed me into their family. The Kaletas and Donohues, Lempas and Lallensacks who all make sure that I am now family instead of "crazy single old maid." I'm not only grateful to be loved. But also because this is not something I want to be one day: This American Life, episode 346.

Go NASA

NASA named a bully galaxy "Death Star Galaxy"....

Commercials

The Toyota commercials are bugging me.

1. An insurance company would never pay to replace a car that was sabotaged.
2. If it did, the insured could probably be charged with fraud.
3. If you want a new car, buy a frickin car.

All I want for Christmas....

Winter Wonderland

Wish List

I realize that I put things I wish for up for all to see all year long. I also realize that not everyone who checks out my blog will be buying me a Christmas present. But I put together a list for my parents to hand out to family members, so I thought I'd post it here too.

Blue Suede Shoes, size 8.5

Reading Is Sexy shirt, size M (mine is dying)

Striped Socks

I love edge brownies!

Typwriter jewelry or Scrabble jewelry

Coins

And as always, the Amazon wish list.

I have a Lane Bryant account because of their fabulous lingerie for a fuller figured woman. As with most places that have their own charge customers, I get a lot of mail advertising specials that are coming up. I generally discard them because Lane Bryant specializes in larger sizes and most of the specials are about clothing rather than lingerie. The last catalog I received from Lane Bryant is titled "Lane Bryant presents Figis Gifts in Good Taste". What is it? It's candy. That's right folks, Lane Bryant sold their charge customers' names to a mail order treat catalog to make their large customers larger.

Meanieheads.

Clutzy, I am

I walked into a wall today while attempting to point out a fashion faux pas.

It snowed.

It isn't the first snow of the season. But it is the first snow that the roads sucked and my car needed to be cleaned. And as I was clawing at the snow topped with ice last night, I thought to myself: The most romantic thing that could happen right now is for someone to clean my car off and dig out my tires.

HAPPY DECEMBER!

24 days and counting.....

The Game

Packers v. Cowboys. Not exactly a rivalry, but both claim to be "America's Team". Both cannot be "America's Team", so it comes down to a Thursday Night Football game, televised in Milwaukee, Green Bay and Dallas only to determine who will earn the title.

Both teams are 10 - 1. One team is lead by a beloved quarterback that is have a miracle season despite his old age. One team has a volatile wide receiver that melts down when he has any difficulties to overcome. Both teams have overcome.

We will be having pizza. Or maybe chicken.

Puppy

Isn't the puppy the cutest! I definitely want one of my very own one day.

Puppy's first Thanksgiving.

Kari and I can't serve ourselves pie.

Great lunch today.

If you didn't know

It has been "Holiday 2007" for about three weeks now. I am now tired of "Jingle Bell Rock", "Zat You Santa Clause" and "Snow". My store is on slate for lots and lots of walks from everyone - the new regional manager, the regional lp manager, the ceo, the vp of lp... you name it, they are coming to my store. And they are coming on different days and looking at different things. I find it amazing that our visiting "helper" from corporate would be shocked that we would have open to close coverage from lp on Friday. I also find it amazing that he didn't think we would be productive unless he brings a second controller. I'll take it, but that's a dangerous assumption that would be interpreted as a bet if I knew him better.

Yesterday started the, "Oh. My. God. I just watched a new hire do...." with the doing ranging from giving massive discounts, take a pair of earrings or fall asleep in the stockroom. Yes folks, I have rested enough. This is my time of year. The bright light you see, that is me!


So, contrary to corporate advice, I'm wishing you Merry Christmas one day before Happy Thanksgiving.

Nice.

Reason

Reason # 8,763,094 why I hate Starbucks.

Womanifesto

I have never considered myself a feminist or an advocate of women's lib. I never truly felt I needed to be. How selfish I am.

I am not the only woman who has been too drunk to speak up for herself in college.

I am not the only woman who was subjected to asshole boys grabbing her breasts at her first high school party.

I am not the only woman fighting an uphill battle in a male dominated field.

I am not the only woman that threads her keys, pointy side out, through her fingers for self defense even in broad daylight.

I am not the only woman who struggles inexplicably with weight.

I am not the only woman who finds reprieve from her so-called "imaginary" PMS with the magic of birth control. I am not the only woman who has cried at work for no reason.

I am not the only woman who doesn't care if she gets married and has children.

I am not the only woman who loves everyone in her life this hard.

I am not the only woman who needs to talk about these things to understand and live better.

Call me. Email me. Write me a letter. Let's talk.

Me too.

This woman's story on NPR stopped me very abruptly today. I do not have the same faith, or the same exact views on faith. But I have traveled a similar journey of questioning. I am thankful I questioned early enough to not marry someone that did not deserve me.

I wonder how many people are hurt by legalism and stereotypes. I am a Christian. I am probably a "bad" Christian, but I am a Christian. When Barbara talked about visiting her mother's church and bringing her tattooed and pierced children, boy did I identify. I have visited many churches. Many churches decided, based on my fashion, piercings and walk that I must not be a Christian. The minister preached salvation messages directly at me because "the Lord told him that I need Jesus." Really? Listen carefully to Jesus and look with your heart instead of your eyes next time. Thanks.


Post updated with correct audio link. The second half of the show is the interview with Barbara Allen.

Goals

What a better time than the almost end of the year to set goals.
1. Minimize checking work email from home.
2. Declare all hours worked, even if you pilfered work home to do.
3. Finish the bleeping Wicklander book already.
4. Actually continue to go to the gym 3 times a week
5. Meditate

The unfortunate thing is, I have not picked easy goals. We'll see how I've done come January!

This is gonna be a weird winter.

Today, I purchased black nail polish. I've owned midnight blue, purple and green nail polish. But this is my first foray into the black nail polish. It's not Halloween any more, and I haven't celebrated Halloween in nearly a decade. But I wanted black nail polish.

It's a sign. Or maybe the better word for it is a clue. "Sign" makes me think of "omen" which makes me think of "fate" which isn't going to fit into this discussion very well.

It's a clue.

Other clues include my current and recent reading material. I just finished a book of short stories that left me simply stymied. I'm reading a book with a name I would hardly dare utter aloud. I have to say, I disagree with a good portion of the author's beliefs in that book, but it is making me think long and hard about the feminist movement of my mother's time and the complete lack of feminism in our time outside of lesbianism. I've put down Obama's book for now. And I've picked up three books for work.

I am in no way, shape or form ready for a move like grad school. But I've asked Eastern Kentucky for information about their program.

I don't know what any of the clues are pointing to.... But I can say: This is gonna be a weird winter.

I don't like sitcoms

That is all. Carry on.

Dear Anonymous,

If I am sitting across the table from you and cannot hear or understand your words, you need to speak up and enunciate. I suggest, going forward, that you whisper to everyone. You see, when you whisper, I can understand every word you are saying from 2 miles away. And I would like to know how you can achieve a whisper that is so clear and loud, but cannot speak clearly in a normal speaking voice. How does this happen? Do you practice this annoying skill? Are you proud of it?

Any efforts you can make to ensure that you no longer annoy the poop out of me is greatly appreciated.
LOVE, PAWS,
Ashlee

Holy Hill

So pretty! So, so pretty!

I joined a gym

My insurance company is covering a rental for me while my car is being fixed. They told me that I would be covered for a comparable sized car. Enterprise first put me into a PT Cruiser. That car did not start. Then a Kia Rio. I refused this car. I asked exactly how a Kia Rio compared to a Mercury of any kind. They offered me a Saturn Ion. Because I knew that Kari has this car, I figured it would be ok. It is not ok. It is four steps below Kari's Ion. And it's not comfortable to drive. And I feel like if I sneeze, it will break. The steering wheel is too small and you have to take your hand off the steering wheel and reach around with all your might in order to activate the blinker. And it's a non-smoking car that someone smoked in. I can't wait to get Daisy back.

quote

Paris is like a whore. From a distance she seems ravishing, you can't wait until you have her in your arms. And five minutes later you feel empty, disgusted with yourself. You feel tricked.

Henry Miller, 1961

I disagree, but the imagery in this statement is powerful.

Falling down

My favorite season has not let me down. The amazing artwork that has been painted and painted over and over in the leaves makes me satisfied each day. When I see the reds and oranges and yellows and greens mixing and falling and dancing, I wonder how people can't see the beauty of science and appreciate the expression of poetry.

And I've watched some hall of fame level football games. And imbibed warm beverages. And layered shirts and leggings and skirts. I've craved a bonfire and mulled cider.

At the same time, though, I can't believe the hurried pace this year has inspired. It's the end of October! It's the Holiday Season! I'm planning Thanksgiving and Christmas gatherings. I'm considering the gifts I should purchase. I'm excited for it all and sad that it's rushing to get here.

I'm off to savor my stew and read more of my book and try to hold on to the last bit of fall.

My poor broken car

My insurance company won at long last!

The mack truck hit me just as I was climbing down the ladder at work today. I'm in bed, recovering from my stinking cold. At least I have tomorrow off and can continue the healing process.

new pictures.

Recipe to make Ashlee feel old

Begin with Ashlee. Add one subordinate, born 1985. Slowly stir in this interview with Dave Grohl, drummer of Nirvana then Foo Fighters by Teri Gross.

That's right. My part-timer has no clue who Nirvana or Kurt Cobain are. I tried to sing a few bars from "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and received an extraordinarily blank stare. That's the anthem of my generation, isn't it? Well, I would rather it be considered "Smells Like Teen Spirit" over that effing Green Day song that brought us into this current emo generation.

Newsflash

While cleaning my room today, I discovered that I am a purse person.

Amazing feats of stupidity

Daisy's second oil change had been due for about two weeks when I pulled my car manual from the glove compartment. I rooted around for a while and found the paperwork from her first oil change. I called Braeger Ford and requested the service department. Chris signed my Chevy up for an oil change and tire rotation, then verified that I do not, in fact own a Chevy. I have never owned a Chevy. Chris then entered Daisy's information and set up my appointment for this morning at 9.

I woke up early and left home about 8:20. I drove straight out Burleigh to Highway 100 (108th Street for non-Milwaukeeans). I drove south on Highway 100 to Oklahoma and put on my blinker to pull into a Ford-Lincoln-Mercury dealer. I looked at the sign that said Gordie Boucher. I looked at the time: 9 on the dot.

I hopped on the freeway, got off at South 27th Street and turned south. The addresses went the wrong way. I pulled a u-turn and started heading in the correct direction. I saw the sign for Braeger Ford and pulled in at 9:20.

At least I didn't walk into any doors this time.

In love.

I have a new moisturizer from Origins. It's light, non-greasy, smells fabulous and it actually moisturizes! So, buy, buy, buy!

quote

"Youngsters often make decisions using the fun coefficient. The fun coefficient is the amount of fun that they will have doing something divided by the amount of trouble they will get into if discovered."
Wicklander/Zulawski

I'm wondering if the fun coefficient has it's own Greek letter. Or if the entire equation is represented as f(un)=fun/trouble.

Adventures in Cooking

Today I picked up this cookbook. I have been slowly adding tofu to my diet and it's hard to prepare it in interesting ways with out knowing much about it. So, experimentation with recipes is my task.

I love Milwaukee

Today, I visited one of my favorite neighborhoods in all of Milwaukee: Brady Street. Besides wonderful restaurants and fabulous shops there are just general good vibes. They have an annual festival. "Not in Milwaukee, WI!" you might say. It's true. And for the last six years, they've held a doggie parade. Great Danes, chows, mutts, puppies, doggies and more! Fluffy dogs that can't keep their costumes on. Kitties in strollers. Superdog! And two bees! The parade ended at St. Rita's church with an extra special sermon on diversity and pet blessing.

I love Milwaukee.

Rockstar

I walked into the bathroom stall door yesterday. I have a bruise on my forehead. I am a rockstar.

New Technique

During rush hour traffic, when you are the third car back in a lane that ends after the traffic light you are at, the following ritual will ensure that you are first. Stomp on the gas with your right foot, brake with your left foot and pound your horn while your left blinker is activated. If you do all of these at the same time, everyone will be completely stunned and you will get through the traffic light first.

Vacation summary:

Reported drunk driver after he tried to run us off road. Shop. Spa. Shop. Drink. Shop. Drive. See pretty fall colors change before our eyes. Shout "MOO COW, MOO COW, MOO COW!" Shop. Emit vibes at awful tailgater. Shop. Vomit. Drive home.

Gossip Girl

Apparently people have been talking about how good this show was going to be. These people are wrong.

Setting: Rich high school. Characters: Popular crowd and alternative crowd. Background: Rich girl comes back to town amidst drama.

I want to know who thinks we need another teen drama show. I want to know who cast a woman with crow's feet as a 17 year old. I want to know how I can get that hour of my life back.

Vacation

I get vacation for my birthday. Kari and I will be heading up north and relaxing like it's going out of style. I wish it was now..... t minus 4 days.

Dine Out For Diabetes

Wednesday 9/19, 4p-9p at Pizzeria Piccola in Wauwatosa. 50% of the profits and all of the tips will go to JDRF. Kari will be a server of some sort.

More stuff I love

Everything from Origins

Oops?

Me: You get to sit?
Her: Huh?
Me: You get to sit while the rest of us get to stand? Really? *walks away*
Her: *crying*
Manager: I wish I could be mean like you.

I didn't believe Jackie when she called. I may even have hung up on her, causing her to call me a second time. I wanted to sleep in before starting my office hours. I turned on my TV like she asked me to. When I could finally shut my mouth, the tears came.

And then I realized that 366 women would be reacting to everything. I went to my office and started talking to my hall director. We had the news on. There were emergency staff meetings. Office phones were used for the fifteen or so women to keep trying to reach their families in New York. A prayer service was held in the hall. I heard about another attack in Pennsylvania, but no one could tell me if it was in Philadelphia or not. Classes were canceled. Everyone gave blood. The tears didn't stop.

A girl on my staff finally heard that her folks were fine. We were relieved with her. My friend was still trying to find out if his firefighter father was ok. We cried with him. The Pennsylvania plane landed far away from Philadelphia. I cried with relief.

The news looped the attacks like instant replay. I cried for two whole days. The tears stopped long before the news stopped. Classes began again.

Today, the tears visited once more. I cannot dishonor the memory of our heroes and citizens by not being sad. Nor will I let myself forget.

More MAM

Pictures!

MAM

This is Georgia O'Keeffe's painting called "It was red and pink". It spoke to me today at the Art Museum as extremely wonderful and feminine. I stumbled across it on the top floor of the main museum after viewing the Pisarro exhibit.

On the Pisarro exhibit, I am having trouble separating my feelings for the people at the exhibit and the paintings. The people were rude, arrogant, pushy and obnoxious. The paintings were amazing. The exhibit covered Pisarro's works 1864-1874. It was wonderful to see his transformation from the paintings that society wanted, to painting what he wanted. I couldn't get close enough to read any of the plaques. However, I think he loved winter and hated the industrial revolution. He wasn't afraid to use a traditional technique and a new technique in the same painting. I found the paintings that involved pointilism and wide brushstrokes to be his most genius. I didn't see any of the influence of Judaism, as I thought I would. I know that he grew up in a Jewish home, but was an atheist in his adulthood. I wonder if the lack of influence was a conscience snub to all religions.

celebrate!

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!

Belated post

Kari turns one year older and gets new hair!

Things I am in love with

Cute shoes

Calvin Klein rocks my world.

Running shoes?

What a necklace!

Still love this.

Another amazing necklace.

Tasty wine.

Paper, please!

When I go to the grocery store, I choose paper. I know that both plastic and paper can be recycled. I am more likely to remember to put the paper bag in the recycle bin than the plastic bag. So I choose paper.

Today, I purchase a few groceries to tide me over to next big grocery excursion. The bagger picks up the milk and I say, "Paper, please!" as she hovers the milk over the plastic bag. She literally drops the milk, sighs heavily, rolls her eyes, then dramatically digs for paper bags. The whole time, there is a stack of paper bags on the counter. She finds more and throws them onto the other bags, sighs again, and bags my groceries.

Wow, that was some hard work she had to do!

Politics

We should trust a survey of only 2,007 people to tell us how the next presidential election is going to turn out?

What has been happening...

• We hired someone to take over the Deer. He had police experience and seemed genuinely excited. He assisted with five cases in the first week - one of which he initiated. He left his keys in the office the following Monday and has not answered his phone since.
• We announced to the Deer and the Shore that I would be transferring. I've been trying to get to know my new store and still take care of my old store at the same time.
  
• I am trying to run the Deer's inventory. The store has been told that inventory is not a priority, and so has done nothing. They don't get that, right now, I am my boss to them.
  
• I have been performing all duties of the sup at the Deer, and making sure that the boys do their part at the Shore. However, I have to write schedules because Mike-romanage is a doofus. However, my two stores have had about 60 cases so far this month. Probably more.
  
• As excited as I am about Simply Vera Vera Wang, I know more about it than any LP should. But sitting on the calls and communicating LP information to the stores and store information to LPs "gets my name out there."
• And then the internals.
• I worked with two of my peers to present Impact Training. One was on vacation for a week before the training. One didn't come to the training because his basement flooded two days before. I received as much help as one can get from those two.
  
• And trying to find someone for the Deer. Because I will be at the Shore after inventory, but if there is no replacement, I'm sure I'll be pulling double duty for a while longer.

I am being stretched to my limit. I work 8 hours and bring home work stuff to read another 4 at home. I feel close to breaking, but I know I won't break. But, with the holiday season approaching, I might.

Blanket Apology

I'm tired. I am refusing to answer my phone for a while. If that's you calling again, it's not that I don't like you or don't want to hear how wonderful your life is, it's that I need to be by myself. When I can answer the phone without crying, I will return your call.

I glanced over while stopped at a red light Friday night and I was deeply saddened. He was staring emotionless out the driver's side window, hand covering his mouth. She was looking straight ahead. Neither was speaking, or even listening to the music. When did they stop enjoying each other's company?

There are many wise sayings that indicate that people that are smart with money are rewarded with more money. Why did I see a Bentley take a curb today? That's not being smart.

I'm so excited about Simply Vera Vera Wang!!!!!

Crazy & Crabby

I went to Culver's for a perfect pms meal - cheeseburger, cheese fries and soda. There was a beautifully scruffy construction worker of a man just ahead of me in line. He had pale blue eyes and dirty blond hair and skin that was just the right shade of tan. I found it difficult not to look at him, as he found it difficult not to look at me. I am sad that I didn't take the scowl off my face long enough to find out his name.

Annoying people suck

The neighbors with the annoying dogs that live a few doors down are also annoying. I was trying to figure out what makes them annoying to me. I think I have it figured out - volume. The dogs loudly bark. The woman talks loudly in her West Allis accent. The man loudly proclaims his drunken abilities. The child loudly shouts imaginary threats at other children. But why is this annoying? I have been known to be loud. But, not every day. Not all the time. And is it my preference for a quiet neighborhood that makes it annoying? We don't have numerous other loud people to gauge them against. Would they be annoying if everyone were loud most of the time? I think they would.

New hair! (Ignore the pimple)

Mini-review

The latest book was recommended by Yvonne.

I was entertained by the "one liners", but depressed by the story line.

I'm being brainwashed.

I like to watch re-runs on late night television. In particular, I like Sex & the City and Friends. They're so make believe, it's a nice escape just before bed. But they always have these ads for personal services. Like it's not okay to be happily single. Jerks.

A great compliment

Today, I worked at a store that will be mine in two months. I will be supervising two young officers who don't like change. I was talking with one of them today about the upcoming change. He told me that he wasn't sure if he was going to live up to working with the number one LP supervisor in the district.

However, I'm still very mean. Moments later, I'm noticing a bit of pudge and wondering what to do about it. I see the fattest woman ever and think, "I'm not that bad, don't need to do anything."

And right now, I'm wondering what is up with my neighbors. The 3 year old keeps running outside completely naked. Then the mom comes outside with her. Mom isn't naked, but doesn't bring the child inside or put clothes on her. This has repeated about three times in the last half an hour. Seriously? We live within mere blocks of many registered child molesters and you are letting your 3 year old outside without clothes on? Come on.

My First Comedian

I have never been into stand up comedy acts. I have tried watching them, and I just sit there staring at the TV thinking "My head is so much funnier than this pile of doggie doo." I caught a bit of a Dane Cook show last year and absolutely loved it. Then I caught a whole show and almost peed my pants. I was talking about it with someone I work with, and they said they would loan me the CD's. So, I'm thinking I'm totally not going to enjoy a CD of stand up. And it begins as I'm thinking "See, it's not funny." Then Dane Cook tells a joke. And I say "Ha, I'm not laughing!" And Dane Cook keeps talking. I'm giggling and trying not to. Then I'm crying I'm laughing so hard.

I'm gonna put away some blankets and pillows and watch a DVD that came with the CD's now.

Jazzy Acquaintance

About seven years ago or so I learned about Jazz in the Park. I went just about every week that summer and discovered The Donna Woodall Group. They were amazing, and I couldn't find them again. And then Donna Bender came to church and began singing on the worship teams. About three years later, I figured out that Donna Bender was Donna Woodall. But she wasn't performing.

Tonight, I went to Jazz in the Park to see The Donna Woodall Group. They still ROCK!

They're playing again August 16th. I hope I'm off work.

Update.

I've had a busy week or so, and I'm way behind with some life stuff. Mom and Dad came to visit and brought Cam. We visited the 3rd Ward, Bayshore Town Center and Discovery World Museum. The Museum isn't quite done yet, so it kind of sucked.

We did go down to Joliet/Diamond to visit family down there. That was nice because I hadn't seen them in forever.

I'm excited to have a day of nothing tomorrow. I'll finally get to catch up on sleep. And my friend is playing at Jazz in the Park tomorrow night.

Today

Daisy got her first oil change.

I also cleaned pertinent parts of my house so that perhaps my mother wouldn't have something nasty to say about that when they arrive on Thursday.

I've ignored all work calls, and only checked personal-type emails.

I accidentally bleached one of my favorite shirts.

I didn't itch before it was time for the antihistamine.

I painted my toenails and opened a bottle of wine.

I went for a walk with a dog.

I skipped Bible study.

I ignored all calls.

I had pizza and I had ice cream.

And I've done it all in pink panties.

Beautiful

The Color of Water: A Black Man's Tribute to His White Mother

I have a feeling this synopsis/recommendation will be rambling and convoluted. I apologize.

My mother sends me books regularly. I buy books regularly. I have a stack of about 20 books I want to read and another 20 that have been recommended but I don't see why. I will read them all. In my last package from my folks was this book. Complete with a Half Priced Books clearance price tag of $2.00, I was certain that this was going in the pile of books that I read out of obligation. After my frustration with Obama's propaganda he had the nerve to sell as a book, I picked up this book. Even an obligation book had to be less frustrating.

From page one I identified. James McBride writes of an ethnic struggle he faced when he realized that his family was different. I remember growing up in a small town barely north of the Mason-Dixon line in Missouri. I remember my brother, nine years older than me, being popular because of his athletic prowess. I remember knowing where the Klan member lived. I don't remember understanding what that meant besides fear. My brother didn't look like me and certainly we had a very different bone structure. He was taller than our folks at age 15. And then my dad adopted my brother. I had recently seen an episode of Punky Brewster. One of the children at the orphanage had been adopted and had to move away. I cried for a whole day before Guy finally figured out why I was upset. That was how I learned the term "biological father". I still didn't understand. I have never seen our dad as my dad. I have never seen Guy as a half brother.

I don't think I struggled with my view of my family life. But I know I struggled with the view that others had with my family life. I can relate to McBride's view of his mother. The conversations and incidents that I read as McBride's experiences with his mother reminded me of conversations and incidents in our family's life. The strength of his mother reminds me of the strength of my mother. The crazy resolve of his mother is identical to my mother's. And how surprising: both mothers can say that all of their children are beautiful and successful. Ironic: both mothers went to school as "non-traditional" students to become social workers.

Thank you, James McBride. You have shared with me a beautiful memoir.

A priority

What's your number one priority?

Last night, I was out with yet another friend for dinner. This was a slightly different dinner, as I was testing the waters with my recently surgerized gums and big people food. We had a marvelous meal, and I ordered cake, and my friend ordered creme brulee. Our server returns, "I'm sorry, we're out of creme brulee. Our full desert menu?" My friend orders the waffle ice cream sandwich. Time passes. A busboy brings my cake and two forks. I say, "No, she's got her own desert coming...." He looks surprised. More time passes. Our server stops by and says, "We're having a bit of trouble with the waffle iron." More time passes. The manager stops by. "Your desert is our number one priority. Everyone in the kitchen is hoping this one turns out." I see it come from the back room. It starts tilting. The server turns the dish slightly to the side to try to balance it out. He walks quicker. He turns the dish ever so slightly more. The plate makes it to the table, just as the tower of waffle and ice cream tumbles. I clap. After all, a sideways tower still on the plate is, indeed, edible.

I caught Ben returning from a morning adventure the other day. What do you suppose he was up to?

Missing Four Teeth

July 5th, 2007 - a day I will remember for years. It started with this foreboding like I've never felt before. I didn't want to have my teeth pulled from the get-go. The procedure was without incident. However I did learn quite a bit of the office drama. And then I went home and was violently ill. And it took a while for the nausea to go away. And my cheeks are swollen. And the ibuprofen makes me tired. And I want to chew something!

UPDATE:
I had a meal of french fries and cake today. I'm a little sore from all the chewing, but it was worth it. And, getting out of the house just before I went mental was totally worth it!

From CNN

Hot dog champion can't muster up seventh win.

Interesting choice of "breaking news". I love our over-media'ed, ultra-hyped lifestyle that encourages heart attacks by putting this event on ESPN and chastising the runner-up for only managing to eat 63 hot dogs in 15 minutes.

Getting Ice Cream Should Never Be Difficult

Last night, my friend and I went out for a somewhat usual "Girl's Night To Dress Up". After an amazing dinner at Nessun Dorma, we needed something sweet. So we went to Cold Stone Creamery. The treat was ordered without incident, however it was too cold to devour it in the establishment.

We were walking out the door when an inebriated fellow asked if we could spare 30 cents. I never carry cash, and my friend generally doesn't either. As I was telling the fellow this fact, he dropped his cigarette. I very kindly pointed out that he dropped it, since it didn't seem to register with him at the time. His response? "Fuck you. You know what? You're a lying bitch." So we walk out to the street, trying to make a hasty exit. I notice at that moment that there are two city police squads on the nearest corner. Knowing too many people who have received jaywalking tickets, I called my friend back and we waited. The fellow appeared behind us and said, "I'm sorry I called ya'll bitches." Then the officers turned the corner. The driver of the squad smiles broadly and shouts "You could have crossed!" The fellow said, "You know what, you are bitches."

And then we jaywalked while the fellow muttered something incomprehensible about police officers.

I'm not the only one.

See.

71 of the 837 pictures from Hawaii.

To Everyone It Concerns:

Dear tube top lady:
I don't want to see your nipples, so I have a few tips for next time. 1. wear a bra. 2. the tube top should be in your size. 3. try an opaque fabric.
Thanks!

Dear mullet lady's friends:
Try being a friend next time. Talk her out of the mullet!
Thanks.

Dear clueless customer:
When I say, "I'm sorry, I'm security. I'm trying to catch a shoplifter," You probably shouldn't stand in my way. I think you deserved to be shoved to the left a little.
Thanks.

Dear 9:30 pm bike rider:
Share the road means follow the rules. Bicyclists should wear helmets, have flashers on their bikes at night, and follow all traffic signs. Therefore, you are very lucky I didn't hit you when you ran the stop sign while wearing all black. Natural selection should eliminate you.
Thanks.

Dear bagboy:
Putting all the heavy groceries in one bag is not funny. I will leave bruised vegetables and spilled juice in your bed tonight.
Thanks!

Dear shoplifter:
When you are 16 you are not your legal guardian.
Thanks.

Dear fellow LP staff:
It's not my job to do yours.
Thanks.

My first inventory

I managed to talk my way into running my very first inventory. I helped the local boondock store prepare and execute their process and it rocked. Although, I think it is in part because it's such an easy store to learn on.

I'm surprised at how not in control of everything you are when running something so large. I'm also surprised at how quickly your peers start badmouthing you when you remind them of why they are at the store.

But I'm not surprised at how well the management team adapted to me and my ideas. I'm not surprised at how well the management team led their people. And I'm not surprised that the store still has an overage.

I'm ready to learn some more stuff!

It's amazing how one song can make your day. It makes me feel smiley and scandalous.

Antiques Roadshow

I am always amused when I tune in. I just witnessed a 12 year old boy with his Grandpa's toy. The antique expert was very frustrated when the child used his finger to point out some etching rather than allowing the expert to use the pointer. When the child learned the toy was worth $2000 - $2500, his jaw dropped. He announced that he would play with the toy only on carpet. The expert's jaw dropped.

Hear, hear, child. A toy should be played with.

Pictures

From the block party and a dinner out with the ladies.

A Spot of Bother

I've put a few quotes from the book that I enjoyed.

"He wasn't the most beautiful man she'd ever met. But the most beautiful man she'd ever met had shat on hr from a great height. And when Ray put his arms around her she felt safer than she'd felt for a long time."

"Ian gave him another bear hug which Jamie now realized was a Christian hug, not a real one."

"Obviously there were worse jobs in the world (rat catcher, astronaut....) but Jamie had never realized quite how far down the table parenting came."

As for the book itself, I liked it. It was much darker than the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime. But I don't mind darker fiction. I related very much to all of the characters.

Katie and I both have tempers that make people run for cover. Jamie and I are afraid to love. Jean and I embrace our scandal. George and I suffer from crazy. Mark Haddon crafted this novel marvelously, and I recommend it to everyone.

I really love my neighborhood

My week continued

My hairdresser quit her salon. So I went into a crazy panic and found a new stylist. I just got my hair cut this morning and it is good. The first times always a little off. I get home and there's a postcard from my old stylist. She's moved to a new salon. Sigh. Seriously.

I've been fighting with the landlord's homeowner's insurance. Daniel is an unethical, lying sack of monkey poop. Daniel's boss Bill, can also be described as a sack of monkey poop, but the unethical and lying part is yet to be determined. They will be paying for my car.

I really want to exercise, but I can barely walk up stairs without having breathing problems. Stupid pollen.

Today is the block party in the neighborhood. I'll post highlights - there are always a few:)

What I've done with my week

It's been quite a week, actually. Going through it, I didn't feel it. But looking back, I'm thinking I need to go get a bottle of wine or a six pack of beer....

So, Monday. Worked at stupid o'clock to get some monthly paperwork done. Found $16 of my missing $36. If you know where my other $20 is, I'd love to know. Boss came to visit just in time to chase a shoplifter to Wendy's where we dragged her back out. She changed into stolen clothes. However, she was not wearing underwear and it was an unfortunate time of the month to be without undies. Ew. Threw those pants away.

Speaking of times of the month, the humidity here totally jacked with mine. I had the most amazingly horrible pms. And then I was 36 hours late. I hate humidity.

Speaking of humidity, my allergies went through the roof. People were asking me if I was crying or upset all the time. If I took the benadryl, then I was dizzy and stupid.

Then I visited another store out in the boondocks. Usually the good stories from this store are about cows or geese. Not this time. So this raccoon was enjoying a honeybun in front of the store just before opening. And it would not be shooed away. It made itself quite at home while it stumbled around, confused. The local sheriff (from the next town over) arrived just in the nick of time. Sheriff used a large orange cone to startle the raccoon into a grassy area then, "POW!" The raccoon was no longer enjoying the honeybun. The raccoon was toted from the scene in a large shopping bag from the store.

All in all, the inventory I'm running is going remarkably well. They've given me an easy store with awesome associates to help me spend my time learning the process instead of putting out fires. But my feet are tired. I feel like all I've done is walk in circles around the store.

So, about that beer....

Instructions for my new hair straightener

7. Never use while sleeping.

Joslyn arrived and is beautiful.

I played "painfully shy" in a skit this morning at church, and I played marvelously. But allergies are hitting me pretty hard. Since I have to get up at stupid-o'clock tomorrow, I might go to bed early tonight. I was trying to stay up and read a bit of something entertaining. Another night, perhaps.

P.S. If anyone knows why my email timestamps everything two hours behind what time zone I'm in even though I've double checked my time zone option, I'd love to hear it!

Steph is in labor. She has been in labor a long time, and will be for a while longer it seems. Joslyn will hear all about this for the rest of her life, I'm sure;)

I'm supposed to work later and I really don't want to. I went to bed at 10 last night and woke up about 8:30 this morning. I was FREAKING exhausted. Now I want to sit on the porch and read. But I'm should get ready for work.... Whine, whine whine.

Personally, not for me

But I don't think porn stars, producers, directors and cameramen deserve to die for their work.

I kind of feel bad.

Last Saturday I couldn't sleep and watched a rerun of Sex & The City. The basis of this particular episode was that New York women were the "new bachelor". Granted, there was a nice pre-packaged ending where a glowing example of this sort of "bachelor"ette received a broken heart. I pondered this. I have a quite a few single women that I call friends. We all cringe at the thought of commitment or marriage. We all date more than we should and break hearts on the way. I'm proud to say that not a one of us could be called "game players".

Ironically, there is at least one person who probably feels that I am a game player. When I met him, I told him that my life was hectic and I wasn't sure I should give him my number. But I did anyways. And then, he gave me a dissertation on fidelity in long term relationships. I wanted to throw up on his shoes. I don't think he noticed the look on my face or the quick exit from the conversation.

He called. We talked. He wanted a date. I cried for two days at the thought of taking even one hour to get to know this man. I had things to do - namely laundry because I was out of clean underwear. I decided it isn't good to cry before you get to know a man - he'll make you cry too much later. So I called him. I was clear that we wouldn't be dating any time in the near future. The man keeps calling. Seriously, how do you not understand "the thought of going on a date with you makes me cry"?

I think I'm in love with Firefox.

A Review

I've been reading this book (Thanks Robert!) for a while. I'm not quite halfway, and I think he's full of shit. I almost bought into his charisma and charm. And then he started being vague in his debates. The book is pure propaganda. With a subtitle of "Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream", I figured I would get something thoughtful. However, the book feels like a graduate student's first draft of a paper. It is unorganized and rambling.

I will finish the book and give you a second opinion. But as ticked as I get while reading it, it might take a lot longer than usual.

Fabulous day off

So, I started walking around 10 am, and returned home around 12:45 pm. I went to a Farmer's Market, the lakefront, and then took the long way back home. The Farmer's Market was actually a bust. Apparently, strawberries and green onions are all that's in season in Wisconsin at the moment. I am not yet grown up enough to eat strawberries, and don't know what I would use green onions for.

The sunburn isn't too bad... I thought about sunscreen after I'd been gone for an hour. Go me.

And tomorrow is the Beer Run, which I have found out is totally ok to walk. The guy down the street is gonna wear a bumble bee costume and ride his skateboard. I hope I have enough battery juice to get a pic.

Off to bed early - I'm exhausted!

A To-Do List For My Life

1. Visit Milan and bask in the wonder of fashion.

2. Live in northern France and read and write for a minimum of a year.

3. Make love to a man I am passionately in love with during a furious thunderstorm.

4. Roadtrip without a plan.

5. Own a lake so that it will never be developed.

To be continued....

Maybe I'm Too Cynical

I call bullshit. It's just too convenient that she chose talk about the marriage at an evangelical debate. It's even more convenient that she would talk about relying on faith to get through a difficult problem at an evangelical debate. Try again Senator.

Enginerd Forever

I often joke about my former status as an engineer by saying "I got out of the life." Really, nerd-dom and geekiness is a life style choice that everyone must make for themself. My first friends were fractions. Math soothes my mind. Books gave me my taste for adventure. But every now and then, I see something that is beautifully engineered, and I wonder if it would truly be a bad thing to be "back in the life".

This is the roof at Miller Park. The first time I saw it in motion, I stood perfectly still, completely awestruck by everything that it is. I'm better able to hide it, but I still marvel at how it was put together and how it works.

To run or not to run:

That is the question.

Herself the Elf (or How I Learned to Love Coffee)

There was a TV show when I was three called Herself the Elf or something. I was defenitely a fan. The show was nothing more than any other show, which I hope explains how I could be such a fan but not remember much about it. But we had these special collector glasses featuring Herself the Elf. And they were formed like a coffee mug, but with a stem. These I loved. I loved these because I felt grown up when I drank from them.

I have always been a bit of an insomniac. Even as a baby, I wouldn't go to sleep and certainly wouldn't stay asleep. So, when I would get up early, and Daddy would already be up, I would pad softly into the kitchen. Daddy would pour a bit of coffee into a magic cup. Then he would add spoonful of sugar. He would fill the rest of the cup with milk. He would read the paper while the eggs were cooking, and I would sip my 'coffee' like I was 85 and visiting with neighbors.

As I got older, and grew more accustomed to taste, the milk and sugar decreased and the coffee increased. The magical cups went to the back of the cupboard, and I had my own 'grown up' mug on the shelf. But I think the smaller, magical mug will always be my favorite.