Fabulous Book!

excerpt:
The house in Berlin was enormous, and even though he'd lived there for nine years he was still able to find nooks and crannies that he hadn't fully finished exploring yet. There were even whole rooms - such as Father's office, which was Out Of Bounds At All Times And No Exceptions - that he had barely been inside. However, the new house had only three floors: a top floor where all three bedrooms were and only one bathroom, a ground floor with a kitchen, a dining room and a new office for Father (which, he presumed, had the same restrictions as the old one), and a basement where the servants slept.

John Boyne writes like a child thinks. He paints a very wonderful portrait and makes you fall in love with a little boy's adventures.

This should be mandatory reading for everyone.

I created an Amazon wishlist to remind myself of what I want to read.

stupid computer is stupid broken and has to be stupid sent out. hiatus expected.

in the meantime, i'll be here.

i'm gonna go eat worms.

HELP!

So, I've decided to tell my mom about the boy. But I don't know how.

So, I rubbed this old oil lamp the other day, and out popped this hottie fella. Turns out, it was a genie lamp! I've never had the opportunity to wish for three things before. I don't want to wish for a million bucks. What should I wish for?

1. To meet Madeleine L'Engle over a long lunch and discuss her theological and philosophical ideas.
2. A wardrobe of classic Chanel suits, D&G accessories, Stella and Dior gowns, a lifetime supply of the "perfect white shirt" and every shoe that I wish I could buy for myself but can't.
3. To understand boys - and not get mad about how they are.

I think that ought to do for now.

Cheers!

So, since my mother doesn't read this blog, I have one wonderful thing to shout from the rooftops. Although, I bet if my mother does someday join the revolution of all things pertaining to communication but not email, I would be the first post she finds is the picture of my tattoo, and the second one would be about the boy. This post will be third on that list. And then we won't talk for years.

Anyhow, women, this post is for us. Birth control rocks. Now that my body has fully adjusted, I love it. No cramps. One day - only one day! - of moodiness. Only 3 days of actual periodness. Bliss! Absolute bliss! For more than a decade, I've had 7 horrendous days of anemic weakness. I've had to sleep 12 hours a day to be functional for those 7 days. I have had to down a bottle of advil to not experience mind blowing pain of midgets stabbing my uterus. I've gone from lighthearted laughter to blind-red-crazy anger to amazing bleary-eyed depression. And I've heard of the wonder of birth control..... But my mother.... And how women become big sluts of lots of sex having when they start birth control.... And sex panties.....

If only I had known. I would have taken all the heat, snuck to the ob-gyn behind my mom's back.

In short, Nuvaring, I salute you!

I voted...

And once again, I am in the minority. Seriously folks, eight years straight, and I can't pick a winner. The next election, the candidates' slogan should read, "Vote for me - Ashlee isn't!"

The greatest place on earth?

I just roadtripped with Ellie and Deidre to the Mall of America. Many a fella did not understand.

"Where are you going?"
"Minneapolis."
"Why?"
"To shop at the Mall of America."
"That's it?"

I suppose the Y chromosome does change one's view of vacationing and roadtripping. But 5 - 6 hours is not too much time to spend on the road to come away with 2 pairs of shoes, a pair of boots, 2 pair of dress pants, 4 tops and several books. And that's just my trappings....

Plus, at least one coffee shop on every floor? Tell me that's not heaven, I double dog dare you!

i found a cute song. here are the lyrics.

um, i was behind a car today whose driver's side wheels were tipped inward at about a 30 degree angle.....

my Halloween

So, I wake up, remember it's October 31st, and wish my mom a happy birthday. Then I go to the coffee shop to review my notes for the training today. After I ordered my coffee, I waited for my cup to be filled and I suddenly noticed that the baristas are dressed as mustard and ketchup bottles. I ask, "Why are you guys dressed up today?" The response, "Um....Halloween..." Right. I'm stupid.

help

I want to organize a volunteer opportunity for my youth group. They want to help at a soup kitchen, so I need help finding a soup kitchen to volunteer at. Suggestions?

Exhausting movie

I saw Schindler's List for the first time last night. Amazing film. Absolutely amazing.

When I was 15, my father borrowed the movie from my uncle. My dad was so excited to watch the movie with me. It was a particularly busy week for me. So when my busy week was over, dad had watched the movie and returned it to my uncle. "I didn't realize you wanted to see it too," he said....

Ten years later, I can finally say I've seen it. Ever noticed how the really good movies exhaust you.

Unanswered Prayers

Vera Wang was at a local store, inspecting the merchandise for a future launch of a private label brand a la Isaac Mizrahi. No one was sure of the publicity surrounding the event, so I was asked to swing by and help with physical security for the event. We were pretty sure that Vera and her cohorts were making fun of our product as much as they were inspecting it (It's ok - I do too!)

Anyhow, being the fashion icon she is, I dressed impeccably and smelled incredible. And I never got to leave the office. I never met her. I never got to tell her my anecdote. The one where I explain that she inspired my rampant materialism with wonderful housewares and ends with the declaration of "I ... LOVE ... ... ... STUFF!!!!!"

Perhaps its better this way. Do I really want Vera Wang to know that I love stuff? However, inspired by her outfit, I am now in search of the perfect black all-season mini skirt. Any suggestions?

...And now pathetic

I can now say my longest relationship ever is four and a half months. Four and a half. How pathetic is that? If every relationship I have only lasts 2 weeks longer than the previous, then it looks like my estimation that I will never get married is correct....

ridiculous

In "News of the Ridiculous", Sweetest Day is stupid. And I have no ice cream or cake for the event which required ice cream or cake.

i should have lunch with Yvonne more often...

open mouth, insert foot

I caught a shoplifter today. Not that the event is unusual. But the shoplifter was a runner, and as it turns out, a cross dresser. In all the hub-bub, the officer that took the report, never heard the first part of the story where the shoplifter put three pairs of panties into the bra he was wearing. Fastforward about an hour to the police station.

Me: Thanks for getting this info for me.
Officer: Sorry you had to wait.
Me: No problem. Did you get my panties for me?
Officer: *stunned silence*
Me: The shoplifter put three pairs of panties in his bra....
Officer: ....I did not know that.

Just imagine what thoughts he must have had in those three seconds after I asked for my panties.

my middle name is Relaxation

Oh yes. I'm changing my middle name to Relaxation. Today, I had my first facial experience at Azana Salon and Spa. It was so wonderful. Just wonderful. I almost fell asleep while I was having the foot massage.

Kari, thank you for a wonderful birthday gift.