71 of the 837 pictures from Hawaii.

To Everyone It Concerns:

Dear tube top lady:
I don't want to see your nipples, so I have a few tips for next time. 1. wear a bra. 2. the tube top should be in your size. 3. try an opaque fabric.
Thanks!

Dear mullet lady's friends:
Try being a friend next time. Talk her out of the mullet!
Thanks.

Dear clueless customer:
When I say, "I'm sorry, I'm security. I'm trying to catch a shoplifter," You probably shouldn't stand in my way. I think you deserved to be shoved to the left a little.
Thanks.

Dear 9:30 pm bike rider:
Share the road means follow the rules. Bicyclists should wear helmets, have flashers on their bikes at night, and follow all traffic signs. Therefore, you are very lucky I didn't hit you when you ran the stop sign while wearing all black. Natural selection should eliminate you.
Thanks.

Dear bagboy:
Putting all the heavy groceries in one bag is not funny. I will leave bruised vegetables and spilled juice in your bed tonight.
Thanks!

Dear shoplifter:
When you are 16 you are not your legal guardian.
Thanks.

Dear fellow LP staff:
It's not my job to do yours.
Thanks.

My first inventory

I managed to talk my way into running my very first inventory. I helped the local boondock store prepare and execute their process and it rocked. Although, I think it is in part because it's such an easy store to learn on.

I'm surprised at how not in control of everything you are when running something so large. I'm also surprised at how quickly your peers start badmouthing you when you remind them of why they are at the store.

But I'm not surprised at how well the management team adapted to me and my ideas. I'm not surprised at how well the management team led their people. And I'm not surprised that the store still has an overage.

I'm ready to learn some more stuff!

It's amazing how one song can make your day. It makes me feel smiley and scandalous.

Antiques Roadshow

I am always amused when I tune in. I just witnessed a 12 year old boy with his Grandpa's toy. The antique expert was very frustrated when the child used his finger to point out some etching rather than allowing the expert to use the pointer. When the child learned the toy was worth $2000 - $2500, his jaw dropped. He announced that he would play with the toy only on carpet. The expert's jaw dropped.

Hear, hear, child. A toy should be played with.

Pictures

From the block party and a dinner out with the ladies.

A Spot of Bother

I've put a few quotes from the book that I enjoyed.

"He wasn't the most beautiful man she'd ever met. But the most beautiful man she'd ever met had shat on hr from a great height. And when Ray put his arms around her she felt safer than she'd felt for a long time."

"Ian gave him another bear hug which Jamie now realized was a Christian hug, not a real one."

"Obviously there were worse jobs in the world (rat catcher, astronaut....) but Jamie had never realized quite how far down the table parenting came."

As for the book itself, I liked it. It was much darker than the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime. But I don't mind darker fiction. I related very much to all of the characters.

Katie and I both have tempers that make people run for cover. Jamie and I are afraid to love. Jean and I embrace our scandal. George and I suffer from crazy. Mark Haddon crafted this novel marvelously, and I recommend it to everyone.

I really love my neighborhood

My week continued

My hairdresser quit her salon. So I went into a crazy panic and found a new stylist. I just got my hair cut this morning and it is good. The first times always a little off. I get home and there's a postcard from my old stylist. She's moved to a new salon. Sigh. Seriously.

I've been fighting with the landlord's homeowner's insurance. Daniel is an unethical, lying sack of monkey poop. Daniel's boss Bill, can also be described as a sack of monkey poop, but the unethical and lying part is yet to be determined. They will be paying for my car.

I really want to exercise, but I can barely walk up stairs without having breathing problems. Stupid pollen.

Today is the block party in the neighborhood. I'll post highlights - there are always a few:)

What I've done with my week

It's been quite a week, actually. Going through it, I didn't feel it. But looking back, I'm thinking I need to go get a bottle of wine or a six pack of beer....

So, Monday. Worked at stupid o'clock to get some monthly paperwork done. Found $16 of my missing $36. If you know where my other $20 is, I'd love to know. Boss came to visit just in time to chase a shoplifter to Wendy's where we dragged her back out. She changed into stolen clothes. However, she was not wearing underwear and it was an unfortunate time of the month to be without undies. Ew. Threw those pants away.

Speaking of times of the month, the humidity here totally jacked with mine. I had the most amazingly horrible pms. And then I was 36 hours late. I hate humidity.

Speaking of humidity, my allergies went through the roof. People were asking me if I was crying or upset all the time. If I took the benadryl, then I was dizzy and stupid.

Then I visited another store out in the boondocks. Usually the good stories from this store are about cows or geese. Not this time. So this raccoon was enjoying a honeybun in front of the store just before opening. And it would not be shooed away. It made itself quite at home while it stumbled around, confused. The local sheriff (from the next town over) arrived just in the nick of time. Sheriff used a large orange cone to startle the raccoon into a grassy area then, "POW!" The raccoon was no longer enjoying the honeybun. The raccoon was toted from the scene in a large shopping bag from the store.

All in all, the inventory I'm running is going remarkably well. They've given me an easy store with awesome associates to help me spend my time learning the process instead of putting out fires. But my feet are tired. I feel like all I've done is walk in circles around the store.

So, about that beer....

Instructions for my new hair straightener

7. Never use while sleeping.

Joslyn arrived and is beautiful.

I played "painfully shy" in a skit this morning at church, and I played marvelously. But allergies are hitting me pretty hard. Since I have to get up at stupid-o'clock tomorrow, I might go to bed early tonight. I was trying to stay up and read a bit of something entertaining. Another night, perhaps.

P.S. If anyone knows why my email timestamps everything two hours behind what time zone I'm in even though I've double checked my time zone option, I'd love to hear it!

Steph is in labor. She has been in labor a long time, and will be for a while longer it seems. Joslyn will hear all about this for the rest of her life, I'm sure;)

I'm supposed to work later and I really don't want to. I went to bed at 10 last night and woke up about 8:30 this morning. I was FREAKING exhausted. Now I want to sit on the porch and read. But I'm should get ready for work.... Whine, whine whine.

Personally, not for me

But I don't think porn stars, producers, directors and cameramen deserve to die for their work.

I kind of feel bad.

Last Saturday I couldn't sleep and watched a rerun of Sex & The City. The basis of this particular episode was that New York women were the "new bachelor". Granted, there was a nice pre-packaged ending where a glowing example of this sort of "bachelor"ette received a broken heart. I pondered this. I have a quite a few single women that I call friends. We all cringe at the thought of commitment or marriage. We all date more than we should and break hearts on the way. I'm proud to say that not a one of us could be called "game players".

Ironically, there is at least one person who probably feels that I am a game player. When I met him, I told him that my life was hectic and I wasn't sure I should give him my number. But I did anyways. And then, he gave me a dissertation on fidelity in long term relationships. I wanted to throw up on his shoes. I don't think he noticed the look on my face or the quick exit from the conversation.

He called. We talked. He wanted a date. I cried for two days at the thought of taking even one hour to get to know this man. I had things to do - namely laundry because I was out of clean underwear. I decided it isn't good to cry before you get to know a man - he'll make you cry too much later. So I called him. I was clear that we wouldn't be dating any time in the near future. The man keeps calling. Seriously, how do you not understand "the thought of going on a date with you makes me cry"?

I think I'm in love with Firefox.

A Review

I've been reading this book (Thanks Robert!) for a while. I'm not quite halfway, and I think he's full of shit. I almost bought into his charisma and charm. And then he started being vague in his debates. The book is pure propaganda. With a subtitle of "Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream", I figured I would get something thoughtful. However, the book feels like a graduate student's first draft of a paper. It is unorganized and rambling.

I will finish the book and give you a second opinion. But as ticked as I get while reading it, it might take a lot longer than usual.

Fabulous day off

So, I started walking around 10 am, and returned home around 12:45 pm. I went to a Farmer's Market, the lakefront, and then took the long way back home. The Farmer's Market was actually a bust. Apparently, strawberries and green onions are all that's in season in Wisconsin at the moment. I am not yet grown up enough to eat strawberries, and don't know what I would use green onions for.

The sunburn isn't too bad... I thought about sunscreen after I'd been gone for an hour. Go me.

And tomorrow is the Beer Run, which I have found out is totally ok to walk. The guy down the street is gonna wear a bumble bee costume and ride his skateboard. I hope I have enough battery juice to get a pic.

Off to bed early - I'm exhausted!

A To-Do List For My Life

1. Visit Milan and bask in the wonder of fashion.

2. Live in northern France and read and write for a minimum of a year.

3. Make love to a man I am passionately in love with during a furious thunderstorm.

4. Roadtrip without a plan.

5. Own a lake so that it will never be developed.

To be continued....

Maybe I'm Too Cynical

I call bullshit. It's just too convenient that she chose talk about the marriage at an evangelical debate. It's even more convenient that she would talk about relying on faith to get through a difficult problem at an evangelical debate. Try again Senator.