"Ve Vant Ze Mo-nee, Lebowski!"

The Catapult commercial. Reminds me of the nihilists in The Big Lebowski that were once a part of Autobahn. I've always thought Autobahn was built on Bauhaus.

National Holiday

I think Valentine's should be a national holiday. I think people should not have to work or run errands. This way, if you are happily in love, you can be happily in love not in my sight. And if you are generally happy single, you don't have be angry at all the canoodling. And it should also be made a rule that the news is not allowed to make Valentine's Day a story. It isn't. It happens every year. With the same basic plot and routine.

Just a recap for everyone: I have been in a relationship exactly once on Valentine's Day. He was mad at me so I got nothing - not even a hello. One of Ashlee's biggest pet peeves is watching people canoodle or listening to people talk about canoodling. These things add up to "no fun for Ashlee on VD".

The worst part: I can't even stay home and mourn for whatever crazy thing I want to mourn. Bah.

everyone loves the dentist

Especially when the dentist has to sharpen her tools midway through your cleaning...

Warning: Insomnia philosophy ahead!

Since I was born, I've been aging. Fact of life. I'm ok with that fact. I'm not scared of being old, or dying. This happens. I'm scared of living a life without meaning. I was thinking about the crisis I had on my last birthday. I sat catatonically at my then boyfriend's house, bug-eyed, almost crying. I couldn't explain it without sounding positively clinical. But I was focused on my to-do list from 1998. I was going to graduate in 2003 from the MS/BS program. Then move on to the MD/PhD program at whatever ABET accredited institution would fund me. Then I would save babies from something impressive. And in 80 years, when I died senile and happy, people would talk about how great I was for saving babies.

Instead, I'm saving clothes from the streets of America for a big corporate retail chain. Five years ago, there's no way I would have thought that this life could have meaning. But it has just as much meaning as getting paid five times as much money to come up with a new gadget that has to be tested on animals before it can be tested on the "so sick their risk of dying from this implant is negligible" population. Perhaps more, since my chances of killing something are much lower.

Why is giving to charities considered "worthy"? Why do we feel a need to volunteer? What is it that makes listening to someone in pain more meaningful than solving some financial problem? It's just one person. Who probably works for or relies on some other corporate fish. And so I must be perpetuating this passive and dangerous idea anonymity in America. Or something.

So, my new wrinkle just under each of my eyes asks if my life really means anything? It also wonders when the Valentine's Day ads will go the eff away. I'm not in the mood.

Rock Star Obama

I just listened to this broadcast on NPR. I have my own take on this issue. Milwaukee is amazingly liberal. Amazingly. And it has an amazing racial segregation problem (for a variety of reasons that are mostly stupid). In all the people I know in Milwaukee, and all the places I've been of late, I have to say that Obama has a chance. The hateful white community in Milwaukee hasn't spoken against Obama. The black community hasn't yet made any sort of comments about Obama's light-skinnedness (which is apparently a true test of blackness among certain pockets of the black community). This is a testament to Obama's charisma.

We might elect the first black president and never truly know his opinion on any matter, simply because we should all just get along. And insofar as Milwaukee is concerned, that might be what we need.

News Ashlee thinks is important

Excellent article.

This is news?

I can't get enough of this story....

edit: Had a heart to heart with the boss today. I'm not going to Waukesha, and it won't affect my promotability.

Top Ten Reasons I Love Being Me!

Most people probably think that I am very conceited. I'm not. I just put on a really good show in public. So from time to time, I remind myself why I love me. I will only list 10 of the reasons for now, because I'm sure in 6 months time I'll do this again. I wouldn't want to bore anyone reading this by being redundant! (Warning : 3, 7 & 8 WILL show up on every list I make. Just sayin'.)

1. I think I am one of the smartest people on the planet.
2. I love to read. In my life, I have not finished exactly one book. Shopaholic Takes Manhattan was thrown away after only 50 pages of mindless uck-dom. I do not agree with censorship, but I equally disagree with the publishing of horrible fiction.
3. Shoes, shoes, shoes. I want everyone to know that I recently purchased a fabulous pair of shoes and it has been way to stinking cold here to wear them. Come on, God! Make it warm enough to wear fun shoes again!
4. Being a woman means I can be crazy-like and people just shrug their shoulders because "Women!"
5. It also means that I can cry and laugh at the exact same time.
6. Which is a great example of my fan-tastic multi-tasking skills. I have MAD skills in the multi-tasking department.
7. Cake.
8. Coffee.
9. My hair is phenomenal. Not just in color - that's all God-given. But I could roll out of bed with bed-head and get compliments on my "indy-rocker" 'do. Seriously.
10. Which is a great lead-in to how beautiful I am. I'm not perfect, and I'm so thankful I'm not. But I think that I wouldn't want to look any other way.

Booty Cold.

It is currently -1 here in Milwaukee. Why do i live here? WHY?! And we're not even rock bottom yet.

Yesterday, when it was -4 and I was driving to a friend's house with no heat in my truck, I saw two fellows standing on opposite corners holding "BLOWOUT SALE! AT JEWEL!" signs. Come on Jewel. Have compassion and let the men not get frostbite next time. Jerks.

Sly, but nice

Part of my job is to investigate and resolve dishonesty among employees at my company. (Read interview a thief that works for my company.) In the course of a resolution about a month ago, one associate wrote "Ashlee is very sly - she gets you to admit what you don't want to." And thus I became "Sly Ashlee".

So today, I was resolving another issue. Again I found humor in the associate's statement. "They were very nice and help me see that I was wrong." I wonder if she still thinks I'm helpful?





Prolly not.

Another fabulous book

I found this treasure in a used bookstore. It is most definitely Maraire's first book. And about the time I felt like she was portraying a character far more intelligently than appropriate, that character put me in my place with an eye-opening encounter with a European socialite. Amai Zenzele's stories raise questions about love and history and strength. And, I don't think Amai Zenzele ever realizes that she answers her own questions with incredible wisdom. Definitely worth a read.

I must be growing up. This morning, I'm watching a foxnews political show. I'm not grown up enough to eat strawberries though.

Sam Brownback represented Kansas as a bumbling idiot. Thanks. No, seriously, complete silence is the best opening argument. Follow it up with "I didn't know he was running when I made my statements" and you've got them off the trail.

Joe Lieberman is a very logical and steadfast speaker. He sounds like a typical American, "Party is important, but I'm going to vote for the candidate who is best for the future of our country."

As a republican, I am disappointed thus far. All of the good debaters are democrats. All the republicans are having trouble forming intelligent thought. The primaries should NOT be the best part of the presidential race.

I am really not good at mornings. But this week, I have had to be at work at 6 am or earlier this entire week. And so, a pro/con list of my week.

Bonuses:
1. A one hour late-pass on Thursday. Oh, that sweet hour! That was the best gift all week. I was almost rested:)
2. The roommate brought home alterra coffee. Yes, I'm a coffee snob. I made Folger's Thursday and could barely choke down my cup. Beautifully sitting in the pantry was some Gevalia that I did not have the mental capacity to open. If, perhaps, the Gevalia had not been there, I bet the Folger's would have been heavenly.
3. Made eye contact with a hottie. And then saw him again. And knowing that I have bags so big under my eyes, I could take a month long journey and pack all my shoes in those bags. And yet he still looked. I felt really pretty.
4. Seeing Manuel again.
5. Working with Katie.
6. Cake, cake, cake!
7. 1.frickin51 shortage. I effing rock so stinking much it's not bleeping funny! I'm doing the 1.51 dance right now. Somewhere, my DM is shaking his head. He should do the 1.51 dance too.
8. My friend's kid is gonna be a girl when it pops out. Girl's are fun. They get to wear awesome dresses.

Not-so-bonusy:
1. A fourteen hour day. It started with a fool trying to be funny but getting smacked back into place, and ended with a different fool not truly understanding the importance of inventory.
2. Getting my arse chewed today. I don't think I deserved it, but I'm probably a little less than impartial. However, getting my arse chewed in front of everyone? Yeah, not a fan. In fact, after telling all the witnesses that I was, in fact, just fine, I hid in the shoe department and cried. Oh was I ticked. And it was one of those moments where I had nothing. I just took it. After I composed myself, I headed back to the group. But then I was ticked at myself for crying, so I hid in the Hallmark section and cried.
3. Not being able to enjoy Bonus #3 because of Not-so-bonus #2.
4. Having my personal space spontaneously invaded by a smelly guy.
5. Being so tired that I can't tell if I hate the latest Bible study I'm in or if I'm crabby because of all the Not-so-bonus items. I feel a bit like I'm in a third grade reading comprehension class. But again, I'm not sure I have an objective view of the situation. I was too upset with the world to go to a wonderful coffee shop today. And I love coffee. So I probably should rush to a judgement on the Bible study just yet.
6. Wanting to shake my groove thing tonight but barely having the energy to sit on the couch. Maybe I can mentally shake it?

Not very loving at all.

I don't know if I want this to be a joke or not. There is even a video.

If it's not a joke, then this perpetuates the cycle of hypocrisy and hatred that the American people view as "Christian". The problem with that is that by the American people's standards, I am a "Christian". I don't agree with this, I don't want to be associated with this, and I would have more than a few words for this yahoo.

If it is a joke, I am also apalled. This is how someone perceives my belief system. I hope that I have never treated someone with this disrespect simply because we are different. I hope that I am never perceived to blanket-hate those who are in a minority.

Either way, I want to vomit in a nearby trashcan because of it.

Introducing FESTER!

Mel & I decided to make a grumpy snowman from the unshoveled snow in the driveway. Mel, of course, tried to cheer Fester up, but to no avail. Then we made a snow-skull out of remaining snowman parts and put it on our friend Jenner's porch. She thought it was AWESOME!


Then I went to bed. And Mitch (my teddy bear) walked up and down my back all friggin night. I would pull him away from my back and wake up with teddy bear paws in back again. Sheesh. You'd think Mitch didn't get any attention. He stays home all day with his friend Spangle. What more does he want?

I am not to be pitied. Pass it on.

Recently, a lot of my friends have been getting married. I am happy for them. However, now that they are no longer single, I feel they pity the rest of us who are still single. Several examples:

1. My roommate was in a wedding in October. The bride and the groom met on e-Harmony. The bride in particular has always wanted to be married, but preached of "being happy in your singleness until your mate comes along." It was a fast courtship and marriage, but as none of my relationships have made it to the altar, who am I to judge? However, as this is perhaps the third successful usage of e-Harmony in our church, my roommate was asked "when are you signing up?" My roommate had a boyfriend and was content with that relationship. So she politley smiled and said she wasn't. The look she received was one of pity.

2. At the same wedding, the bride's father toasted the marriage. 75% of the toast was "will someone please marry my son? He's lonely and single!" Oh, come on! I'm embarrassed for him.

3. There was a bachelorette party. About half of the party was married women and the other half single women. Most of the party, the married women giggled about how the bride was going to be doing "married women things". Yes, we all know that men and women have sex when they get married. (Ok, well maybe some stop once they are married.) Are we all so immature as to need to create some code word to describe it so we can talk about it with out using the oh-so-dirty word "sex".

4. Sitting at a table of couples with my roommate and one other single fellow, the topic of "sex toy party" came up. I've been invited before, and because of work could not attend. The idea was thrown out that a few of the women would love to throw the party and invite some of the more, shall we say private, women to watch their reactions to the products. I have to say, I'd like to see those reactions myself. I piped up that I would love to attend for that reason. After a few moments, the topic changed. One of the married women leaned over to me and said, "Now we can shift to a topic that single people will comfortable with."

These are just a few of the many ways the recently married of my church are pitying the single. I don't think they know they are doing it. But I have seriously considered changing churches because of it.

Of course, I know perfectly normal couples who are happy in their relationship and happy for me and my life just as it is. This rant has nothing to do with you.

Red Shoes

I want blue ones, so I bought red ones? Yeah, I'm good:)

On another, more serious note.... Presidential race 2008 already?

I understand that people aren't happy with Bush. I understand that he doesn't have someone to usher in as his golden child replacement. And it feels way too early. I really don't want to be so tired of the candidates that I don't want to vote. So, Hillary, Sam, Barak and Condy - give it a rest!

Today is phenomenal

Not too much laundry to do.

The Station Agent is a wonderful movie.

Bumpus is tonight at the Milwaukee Ale House.

Tomorrow is The Buskers at the Mad Planet.

Tomorrow we will also get my roommate's cartilage pierced.

And right now I am ensconced in blankets. What more can I ask for?

I might be offended

Dear Hotmail Staff:

I think this article drastically underestimates a lot of women. And definitely disregards personality differences. Yes, be a man when you break up with a woman - good advice. But don't assume that every woman is going to break because you don't want her. Some of us are strong and and can handle whatever you might say or do, no matter our feelings for you.

Love, Ashlee.

Because I'm not a very nice person....

I'm eating cake and pondering the following:

At what point does someone become diagnosed as a little person? Is it a surprise several years after birth? Is it known during pregnancy? Is it discovered just after birth? I really want to know!

Gasp!

So I'm very slowly making my way through Saving Private Ryan for the first time. And I've made one realization so far. Vin Diesel can act. He usually chooses not to. But he can.